It's been almost a year since my last post.. My how time flies..
My little baby is now 17 months old and busy busy busy.
Medically, my body continues to age rapidly.. I need surgery to remove a growth on my thyroid. I may have early arthritis in my hips. I'm still dealing with my ADD.
The past 3 months have been probably been the hardest I've dealt with for a long while.. At the end of May, Ryan decided he would start looking for a new job in Ohio. While this is what I had wanted for a long time.. I wasn't quite prepared for what was to come. Ryan interviewed two weeks after this decision and began working 2 weeks later. So in a month my husband moved to Ohio, and left me to renovate our house and raise our child.. Coming home on weekends to offer what help he could.. I completed the task with the help of some friends, but I've lost what little sanity I may have..
I think the most tragic thing is the fact that my husbands narcissism keeps him from seeing reality. I'm mentally exhausted from trying to get a man's brain to really get it.. He just doesn't get it.. Billy Idol gets, why can't he???
I lack hope, I have never in my life lacked hope.. This alarms me.. I need idealistic people in my life.. I'm so excited to hang with Meg and Brian.. and their respective partners.. I'm excited for Cole to grow up in diversity.. To see different cultures regularly..
I'm not excited to leave Journey and yet in some ways it seems I already have.. Hopefully the women's retreat will renew the relationships there..
I'm not excited to leave the great support network of Ryan's family, the Aunties as Ryan affectionately refers to as the three witches. Cole is going to be so heartbroken, not to mention Granny... My family has not been very proactive in spending time with Cole, whether by choice or geographical barriers. I'm living at my mother in laws so to leave my home staged and vacant so as to be able to show it whenever.. IF only we could get showings. The market sucks.. Our house has a lot of charm but, it also has some serious negatives. 1 bath and septic.. I don't know.. GOD HELP!!!!! Help me to have faith, to get it.. Take away the fret, the worry, the negativity.. I want it no more, I want peace to not break under pressure.. Thanks for listening.. Thanks for loving me... Thanks for the grace.
g.
