So, it's been 2 years and almost 2 months since my last post.. It seems like a lifetime ago.. I'm still a mom, I'm still a wife and I still love Jesus.
Not fully, not freely. still filled with self doubt, self hate.. self...
We moved to Ohio, we had the American suburbia life *empty* filled with stuff. We were driving back and forth to Indiana every weekend due to "mom" being sick. She got really sick I had a job and quit to care for her during the summer of 08. I took the job back. She got really sick. I got sick, cancer, surgery. We moved back to care for her permanently. She died the next day..
The bottom fell out.
I learned the Jesus is using people. My family people, (my church people). I love them. They are good when no one else is. They are sinners, sanctified.
I have been given a simple temple to care for not abuse. I've been given a beautiful little boy full of mischief and mirth. Who I will raise up in the ways of GOOD and not evil. Whom I will love and adore. Not abuse and ignore.
I will honor the gift of my spouse, who loves me for me and all the ways in which I am not him, that drive him mad. Pray for him, support him, nurture him.
Most importantly, I will learn to love me with all my flaws so that I can forget about "ME" Because each moment I focus on "me" I lose sight of He. He who died on tree. The ultimate self sacrifice.. The one who heals the broken.
These are my daily prayers.. I want to become a habitual prayer. a habitual reader of the gospels. To give up my habitual lateness. My habitual gossip gathering/celebrity addiction. My social networking addictions, my carbohydrate addictions, my TV/Internet addictions.
I want to keep a prayer journal.. I want to knit more. TO drink more tea and less carbonation.
I want to give my temple rest.
