Random Rantings

Okay so last week I let the cat out of the bag with my coworkers. I wanted to wait until I knew it was going to last. Now everyone comes up to me calling me mom mommy mommy to be etc.. I know it's in fun and cute and all but, I'm getting really really annoyed. My name is Gina.. I think I may just be hormonal but that mixed with the fact that this morning Ryan making the comment that I'm not excited or rather embarrassed about being pregnant.. When the fact of the matter is I am TOTALLY Uncomfortable being the center of attention plus all of the changes that going one within me physically. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed I don't like the fuss. I don't know how to deal with that.. So, that's what's going on.. I need to learn to be comfortable in my own skin.. Yeah, I know.. shouldn't you have done that before getting pregnant.. Yeah but considering my environmental/genetic makeup.. I'm 27 and realizing that's a lot better than some.. Migraines have been coming a lot more often with the pregnancy I used to get about 1 a month now it's like 2-4 a month and I can't take anything other than tylenol. So prayers.. We're heading to Alabama on Wed.. I'm excited to see Mom, Robynne and Trae.. I'm so not excited to experience drama.. I pray God's Peace upon our time down there. Meg is currently taking a class on spiritual warfare. I would so love a class like that.. We haven't really hung out/talked with a whole lot of people lately. We've been in the bubble. Ryan is quite content with that. I am becoming accustomed to it. So I don't know what to think.. All of the tornadoes brought sorrow to our roof so he decided to start leaking we're waiting for an estimate.. Christmas may not be great for everyone else this year.. Better actually get some work accomplished.

gina

God's Got My Back

On Nov 4th we found out we're having a Boy!! I'm definitely praising God for that one.. We've been traveling non stop on the weekends so, I haven't been to NLC for ages. I always intend to go on WED nights but I'll fall asleep or start cooking.. My small group has moved to Fridays.. I knew that would be an issue especially since the holiday season is upon us. Once the little one comes, it won't be a problem. Until then I guess I'll make it when I can. I started my Biblical Ethics class at OCU. I realized I don't know as much of the Word as I should. I'm trying to read more of what I hardly ever read the Old Testament as well I'm really trying to study the Gospels.. I'd like to find a class or something to really study the word.
Ryan is so excited about the pregnancy and the baby.. He truly is amazing. I think he's got me way beat in the excited department.. I'll admit it I am scared. I know once everything happens i'll be okay but for now I'm scared. He thinks I'll be put on bedrest and unfortunately I think he's right. I can't shop or be on feet like I used to. Which is really an incovienance.. We spent the weekend in Louisville, I went down to my brothers on Saturday. I got to spend time with my sister in law and new niece as well as my nephews. It was a lot of fun. Ryan's college buddies we're a good time.. It's interesting to see how people change over the years. We have now known these guys/gals for 10 years. Amazing. Well I should get back to work.

Change is inevitable

Allo All,

I don't even know if anyone reads this anymore.. But, a journal is a journal.. Which as many of you can see. I'm not very good at.. In the past month a lot has happened to the people around me but I don't really feel a lot has happened with me.. That for some reason Really Bothers me.. My closest friend took a walk on the water and GOD is blessing her abundantly.. She is being changed even more, God has changed her like Saul to Paul.. I am so Extremely proud and happy for her. Another friend is finally taking a step of faith and leaving the close cocoon of her family and going after her adventure and her dream.. I am so excited to see the changes that will happen if she allows them.. I saw a couple of friends dive in to marriage and say I do.. I've felt my child move, which is slightly alarming at first.. I've watched my husband almost burst with delight as he sees my belly grow. He wants me to revel in this pregnancy as much as he seems to be.. To be perfectly honest, I'm not a very patient person. I'm just shy of 5 months and I have at least 4 months to go.. I want to meet this little one already. I made the comment women that enjoy being pregnant must be nuts.. And I'm not yet half way through.. 40 weeks I'm at 18. I enjoy sleep, I'm slowly coming to terms that my body is preparing for what's to come.. No sleep. It seems my focus this past month is how to get as much debt paid off in 4-5 months time.. That has been my obsession.. I realize that is not what God would have me do. I'll keep on the budget I'm on and not obsess.. GOD will provide. We are definitely not hurting.. I've just been listening to Dave Ramsey in the afternoons. Well, that definitely has an affect on you.. I'm not saying it's good to be in debt.. That's not good, but my obsessing has taken away from my time with GOD.. Honestly, my time with GOD has seriously been lacking for awhile.. I'm going to take the effort to start to change that.. I read this morning and prayed for a good while.. It was really cleansing.. I realized, I've really been stagnant.. If I'm to be a Christian wife and mother, I really need to commit myself to devotions and really growing in the Lord before I can really be what God has called me to be as a wife and mother. Well, I should get back to chores.


Peace & Light
gina

Strange strange days

Okay,

I know I'm failing miserably at journaling. Life is so getting in the way. IT SHOULDN'T. Since my last post much has changed. On my birthday 8/23 I applied for my passport and found out that yet again Ryan and I are going to be parents. CRAZY stuff. As of today I'm 12 weeks along so I think it's really going to happen. I'm shocked and elated and extremely nervous. Ryan on the other hand is crazy happy, joyous. Which did quite surprise me. My best friend is moving to Denver for 6 months She's attending a missionary you can read her blog. http://knoxiwalla.blogspot.com As well, Lindsey from my small group is attending the Nashville base with her son she leaves sunday. Lots of change is happening I can totally see GOD's hand at work. He really is amazing. I went to group last time and learned a lot had a wonderful time. I hate that I've been missing it lately. EWC/NLC is a different story. I don't know how I feel.. Maybe I should just give it another chance. Actually get involved.

Saturday Ryan and I will be in sunny Mexico. We're going on our first real vacation with no work, since we've been married. We're going here.

I AM SO EXCITED! We got it for WAY CHEAP thorough work. I'll be posting pics.

I know a lot more has happened but, I need to get back to work.

peace and light
gina

Hello Stranger...

Time, It's so fleeting.

It's been 21 days since my last post.. My dilligence is lacking to say the least. I'm so busy or so I say. I need to make journaling and devotions a daily priority A> Because it keeps my sanity and B> Each day I don't I let GOD down and well, I don't want to do that anymore. Mind you I've been doing alot better about the latter just not the journaling part. I put in 16 hour days m-w by thurs I'm bushed. And our weekends have been filled with travel. I just read a book on the life of Francis of Assisi.. WOW.. Work is stressful, but I get to listen to way fm so that makes it bearable. I feel like I'm slowly connecting with my small group..

WOOHOO One small step

Okay so, Last week group was cancelled. SO I went tonight and it was AWESOME!! It was a group 12 people catching up and really getting insight into each others lives the good the bad and the ugly. I learned that forgiveness is definitely the greatest gift. That taking the risk is bigger than being there and I did it. These people are so REAL! They open themselves up and share themselves so freely.. It's awesome. My class at OCU is going really well and I'm really enjoying the instructor. My job is busy.. I really enjoy that though. The day goes by so quickly. I feel like I'm actually being productive. Though, I am dealing with anger issues. It seems the same thing trips me up everyday and I get frustrated and I'll say or think anger. I don't want to be that way. I want my thoughts to be like the Christian radio I'm listening too. That's the best thing about my job. I have my own office so I can play my Jesus music and noone can get angry. WOO HOO and they might just hear something coming in or out. GO JESUS! What's happening with everyone else. I don't feel the need to share. I think I did it at group tonight. My friend Meg has been going through some pretty heavy stuff. Her faith in GOD amazes me she has shown true courage. And I applaud her for it. Ryan is playing some card game on the lappy. So nothing more.

peace and light

gina

BLOGGING=Homework??

SO, LOTS has happened to me since I last blogged.

I started a new class at OCU-EVILLE. And journaling is a requirement.. HA GOD IS GOOD! SO now I don't have an excuse for not blogging weekly if not nightly. I officially started my job today.. I had 2.5 days of training and the owner/manager of the company believes I can handle anything.. HAA if only I had as much faith in myself as everyone else seems too. I'm used to big corporations where you get like 2 weeks of training not a tenth of that especially with the responsibilities that this job entails. I think I'm doing rather well though. In one day I deposited enough money to cover the cost of my house.. I can't fathom that.. And the fact that everything balance made me really happy.. As well, I started back at OCU- I think if I can commit to it. I will enjoy it immensely.. I'm starting to realize that I have huge commitment issues. I knew I did with career choices, but I think I do in relationships as well. I can honestly say that there are 2 people in this world who know me as well if not better than I know myself.. One is my husband and the other is my kindred spirit. And she lives 5+ hours away.. WHICH SUCKS! It's at these times when she's going through something or we get to hang out face to face, or I'm going through stuff. That I'm Mad, I'm mad that I can't be where I still after 2.5 years call home and mad that I don't really want to allow myself to get that close to anyone again. Ryan and I are better than we have ever been, but outside of that my relationships here are superficial at best. I haven't been to my small group in weeks. Partly cause I was going through some stuff, and traveling and partly cause I don't want to leave the comfy cocoon of Ryan, the cats and watching "House" Which by the way is a Great Show.. Tuesdays Fox 8pm cst 9pm eastern.. SO tomorrow. I'm going to Group and I'm going to really really try and allow myself to get in true coinea with these people. I know I have let them down.. and for that I am sad.. It's always the getting started that I suck at in any situation.. Once I'm there/doing I'm fine.. It's the getting there.. yeah GOD ITs Totally YOU!.
I've also decided I want to put off trying for another positive result, untill I've had more positive results with diet and exercise. Ryan is supposedly okay with that.. I find it kind of humorous that this is something I've wanted for 2+ years and now he wants it and I'm wanting to wait.. Figures. So, Ryan has fixedme a wonderful dinner I need to go consume it by 9pm.. Men should ALWAYS Cook for their wives..

peace and light
gina

One Small Step

Good Morning, Well, I got the Jorb.

I start in 1 hour 15 and I really don't have time to blog but I'm going to anyway. I got up a 5 and went to the gym for the first time in awhile. The guy at the front desk. Asked me where I'd been. I simply told him I'm not a morning person. He said he wasn't either but he was there.. This simple truth got me thinking.. How many times have things not been done because of my excuses. Well, I'm going to by the GRACE of God try to not use an excuse as a crutch. As well I listened to the Christian Radio Station while working out.. YEAH, it makes it much more tolerable.. I hope everyone has a blessed day.

Peace and Light.

gina

A New Day Begins

I just got done listening to a streaming sermon from First Christian Church here in Newburgh.. I havent' been to my church in awhile between traveling and not feeling well. SO, I really needed a sermon. and it's funny how GOD leads people to wake them up. Romans Chapter 12 YEAH, It finally sunk in. For Years and I really do mean YEARS I have been focused on "God's Will" for my life. What should I do, what does he want me to do?? ME ME ME.. Well, It's NOT about Me. GOD will show me HIS Will when he wants. I always get caught up in the BIG picture instead of focusing on the little things like making sure to do devotions and pray everyday. If I am truly living and devoting myself to Christ, he will show me his will. I've been really really down lately.. You know the whole "Woe is me" over not feeling as though I'm bringing enough financially and emotionally to my marriage. Ryan and I have been talking and I need a steady job with a steady paycheck. Well 3 jobs have opened up at my current employer.. I applied for one of them and I really want it.. Well, I have an interview today at 3, so if you read this before 3 pm cst. PRAY PRAY PRAY. Pray GOD'S Will. Thanks for reading and thanks for praying.

God Bless,
Gina

The line betweeen happiness and sorrow.

Okay so, I need to get in the habit of posting more. LOTS More.. Much has happened since I've posted last.. I found out we were pregnant on a Monday and we lost it on Thursday night/Friday morning.. It was early on I was only six weeks.. I had only been confirmed pregnant for like 4 days.. Yet, I was totally heartbroken. That's been a week ago.. Ryan's reaction really bugged me at first. He didn't see what the big deal was. So, we'd try again at least we know we could get pregnant. I guess I wanted him to be a little sad. Now looking back I know he was sad for me. He didn't want me to be hurting but at the same token he didn't think I should have been as upset as I was.. So, I dealt with feelings of anger. God love my father he was as upset as I was he couldn't call me until earlier this week.. My father and I are definitely Feelers.. My husband on the other hand he's definitely a Rational. SO, I'm dealing.. I'll admit my GOD time has been lacking.. generally all my relationships have been lacking except for that with Ryan.. He and I have bonded more than I ever thought we could.. I look at him and my heart melts. After 10 years I figure that's phenomial.. I can only imagine what it will be like at 50. I'm trying for a more stable position at work. Wish me luck.. As well, I'm trying the Dave Ramsey way of doing things. We'll see how it goes.. It would be awesome to be totally 100% debt free.. My best friend said I should be journaling so, that's what I'll do, or at least try to do.. As well, I'm not changing colleges as I would.. I'm staying at OCU though I'm not crazy about it. Well, I need to finish work around here.

Peace and Light
gina

A Long time Gone

Okay so, it's been 2 weeks since I've blogged. And a crazy two weeks it has been. A few days after I got home. My sister calls me and tells my mother is leaving her husband. That he as physically abused her.. Now my mother has been physically abused by husbands in her past. This is not something I tolerate and I don't feel that ANY woman or man should either. My mother drives a truck with her husband. He pretty much made her a prisoner on the truck. Checking her messages taking her debit card etc. So, on 3-way with my aunt and my mom, we devise a plan to get her out with her dogs, with him none the wiser. I take my other (Ma)-in-Law. The two of us go up there to get "Wanda" Well, God really opens doors and Mom really feels like she doesn't want to do this but she feels like this is something GOD wants her to do.. I applaud her for the courage. It works out perfectly he suggests going to the movies, he suggests separate movies. We get her out and into my hotel.. He's none the wiser. I should also note that she can barely walk because of torn ligaments in the back of her knee.. She says she hurt it unloading the truck. My sister thinks he pushed her.. I think scratch that KNOW my sister is a drama queen. The only marks my mom had on her were finger bruises where someone grabbed her arm.. I know that's still abuse but I don't want anyone getting a worse idea. SO, mom clears out half of everthing in the bank acct. She says she moving her and my sis up here. MY HOPES are SKY HIGH! I haven't lived in the same town as my mom since I was 10 years old.. She visited my house last year and I didn't know what to think.. I honestly couldn't believe she was here.. So, we rent her a car and she heads to Alabama. Trades her truck for a Brand new Rav 4. Tells my sis she's moving up here. and Robynne freaks. She's not moving north.. SO suddenly Mom isn't moving North. and Suddenly she's staying at her old house and Suddenly her husband is with her and my sister is getting her car fixed by him and supporting there decision to stay together. You know what I DON"T SUPPORT Abusive relationships. I DON'T SUPPORT staying together for Money.. I should also note I DON'T Support staying together FOR the SAKE for the children. notice the Capped letters what's that spell. Children should see Loving parents, not parents that one minute hate each other and the next minute can't live without one another THAT'S NOT HEALTY!

1 Timothy 6:10 (New Living Translation)
10For the love of money is at the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.


That was last week this week it's been all about Ryan and I and LOVE LOVE LOVE.. HE is SO amazing.. We've been together for 10 years and I never thought you could love one another more and you do. I am in total Awe over him.. He supports me totally. Ma, Momma and I had some deep coversation at the hotel.. I had asked them if they had ever been in love so much that it hurt. (not in a sad way) The way you look at them and tears well up in Love.. They said yeah and it was totally scary. I don't think it's scary I think it's how wives should love their husbands. (Though thinking about it, it probably wasn't scary then but they got hurt which makes that dangerous/scary.) If you don't then what's the point.. Why are you wasting time. Ryan just laughs at me and calls me a goof ball, in a loving way of course.

Group was cool this week. Though I always seem to be the center of attention like the one figuring myself out. I had said this and they said all the quiet ones were figuring themselves out as well. I admit I TALK ALOT More than 98.9% of the population I would guess. So, it's really hard to get a word in edgewise. But, I really love group connecting with these people all from different walks of life and yet we all have similar issues it's funny had GOD gets us all together. It's great therapy.. I'm learning that I need to be a bit more like Meg and she needs to be a bit like Me.. HEEE HEEE. Will you still be w/ YWAM @ the end of FEB? ;o) Oh and I got a New car. I know that should be at the top of my list, but I don't know. I'm a Realtor which means I need an automobile that I can transport people and the Air Conditioning works all the time not part of the time and poor Chip the Civic just didn't do that. SO This is what I got. Because of Ryan's WONDERFUL Family we get an Employee discount as well we got lots of rebates. When everything was said and done I got it about 7 1/2k under invoice with only 40 miles.. WOO HOO Love a bargain. I've never had a Brand spankin new car. I wanted a 300 or a pacifica.. But I didn't want the price. So, I got the perfect mix. IT's the sister to the new 300 same car wagon style with the wagoness of the Pacifica. AND It's Not a Mini Van.. THANKS Alan. Okay, I've been typing for a long time. I should get.. IF YOU have made it all the way to the END!! YOU ARE A TROOPER!!!!

luv lots and
God Bless.
Go JESUS

Recap on recent events

So,
I'm back from the land of OZ otherwise known as Vegas. And because my end personality is a J. I'm going to list the things I remember most and hope I see GOD in them.. If not... Well, I'll try Really hard
1.) Jules and Meg bent over laughing at me Picking up Dog Poo in the middle of the intersection at Petsmart. HUMILITY Yep.
2)Dave Matthews playing at the Bellagio Fountains me calling Ryan. Love Yep.
3) MEG GUSHING and I mean GUSHING About BEN.
4) Meg getting frustrated at situations.. and struggling with that.
5)Jules being stressed and tired mainly tired.Trying to laugh it off.6)The lights across the city and the awe inspiring views of the mountains.
7)Starbucks/Krispy Kremes and A man On FIRE for GOD..
8)Julie having an attack over Indian/Japanese Cuisine
9)Realizing that Food is my drug of choice and it's just as bad as drinking/gambling *insert Vice*
10)Ziggy a mutt of a dog that will do whatever you want just to be loved.
11)Bad driving VS Good Driving "Make a Ueey, they're legal in Vegas, I Love this town!"
12)The juxtaposition of rich vs poor. The STRIP with all its Excess in all sins. and a block away a homeless person wanting food, or a mental ill man talking into a jewelry store window.
13)That early morning/ red eye flights are not smart options if your names are Meg & Gina
14) That Grace is a wonderful thing to give to people and Forgiveness is key to true coinea.
15)Praying for Peace in the middle of Rush Hour Traffic..

I made it home safely last night. I think Meg and I's relationship is permanently sealed as Kindred Sprits not just Friends.. I was so Ecstatic to See Ryan and My kitties... I don't think I want to be gone for that long again for awhile. Though he's acting like a cranky old fart right now.. *It's after midnight and he's still working on some character for a game with his college buddies tomorrow* I think he really does appreciate and maybe even adore me, which is a nice realization... The kitties however have yet to really accept the fact that I'm not taking away there dad. I'm actually a part of the family too.

I volunteered at the Rescue Mission tonight I invited a friend of mine and the pastor spoke an awesome message about going deeper. It was cool I met Rachel and Misti from my small group we fed the men. They are so humble in their thankfulness.. RACHEL And MISTI.. OY I was to watch the Gospel of John.... I had work to do after and I totally Forgot/Bailed again.. Dang and I just told Ryan his short term memory Sucked. Humility.. Working on it. Well I will see them tomorrow at the Baby Shower. Okay all in all today has been a day of ups and downs and adjusting to dreary humid weather.. I do like the West.

Peace and light
Gina

Somewhere in the Middle

So, I don't why I will continually have middle child syndrome.. But, I do. 3 women in a 1 bdrm apt.. Interesting to say the least. We have an ENFP and an ESTJ mixed with me and ENFJ.. So, I'm the one trying to think for everybody, Jules is the control freak that needs a plan and Meg is the free spirited control freak. FUNNY!. So, we went to the strip last night. The Bellagio Caesars Paris and Bally's all my old haunts that I knew pretty well. We ate the Hard Rock order the gamblers special $7.77 Steak 3 shrimp veggie salad Bargain! This city is so nuts and Hard Rock looked like mostly people from LA can we say SCARY!! We saw the Gardens and the Chihuly of the Bellagio. His work is amazing. We browsed the shops. Meg went into Dior and Prada. I wanted to go into Tiffany's. We have to come back so Jules can film everything on Monday. So, I'll go then. I'm currently listening to Nichole Nordeman . She is so amazing. Sorry wanna go Ride out bikes.. ADD kicked in..

So today we're heading to the best outlet mall in America. Though I just looked at the pictures on the website. EVERYTHING in this area is Provoctive.. I don't know why I find that so sad.. It's about a half an hour south of us. It's airconditioned. YEAH! Not that it's been that difficult in the heat, it really is dry which makes it less yucky.

I do have a funny story, I've fallen in love with Jules's mutt of a dog. So, I've been the one taking care of him, that includes picking up his droppings. Well, Jules is about to fly him to her son in COLS. So, we took him to Petsmart for shots and health certificate. Well, we get out of the car and are walking across the the pedestrian crossing into the store and he starts dropping.. and dropping and dropping. Now Julie and Meg are bent over in laughter, tears welling down there faces. And because my husband has rubbed off on me WAY MORE than I thought. I had brought an extra doggie trash bag because at the apt complex I had just picked up his mess. HE held it for over a half an hour poor dog. SO, I'm in the middle of the intersection bending over picking up dog doo.. If that isn't funny I don't know what is.. Meg took a picture but of course she handed me the phone to show it, I promptly deleted it. Weight watchers is calling. Sorry no self deprecating humor.. Wait I just told the dog poo story.

Well, I need to do my devotionals..

Peace and Light
Gina

Who needs Sleep

Sleep, it's a wonderful thing and those few souls that really know me, know I NEED sleep. Driving to Indy late at night to catch a early morning flight into a city t that never sleeps.. Well, don't count on getting any.. Not on an airport floor and definitley not on the plane. We got into Vegas at 9:30 local time. Jules looked wonderful. She took us to her place which is AWESOME.

Finally, Sleep I was able to get intermittent rest for 3 hours, woke up by twice by telemarketers. Everyone should do this

Megan and I had endless banter over getting ready. I played with Jules/Davids' dog Ziggy who is absolutely the best trained dog I know. Jules came home and we drove around finally eating at Fiesta. It was good and reasonably priced. Then we drove around the city we started downtown and went all the way up the strip. We took a slight detour at the Stratosphere. We browsed the shops and went up the Tower. THE VIEW WAS Phenominal unfortunately both meg and I's cell phones were pretty much dead and jules didn't have her camcorder.

By the time we got home it was midnight. Jules was tired and I was tired. Meg not so much luckily I have ear plugs and I got a full 7 hours sleep YEAH!

Finding Contentment 

The first time.

My last blog went AWOL! So, I have started anew. I'm hoping this will help my journaling or lack there of. I'm heading to Vegas for a week and my hope is to draw closer to GOD. I know going to Vegas to grow closer to GOD. This could only happen with me. I'm going with Meg. Meg is more of a kindred spirit rather than just a friend. We're g0ing to help my Aunt get settled and find a church and generally encourage her. GOD is so Good I was able to close on two houses this past week. So now I have turned what my husband calls a expensive hobby into a career and not a moment too soon.

We went to COLS this past weekend to pick up Meg and visit with Brian and Rachel. I had one of the best weekends I can remember and the funny thing is we didn't do much. Ryan and I just went to our old haunts and ate some wonderful food. I yearn to be back just Ryan and I against the world.. But, I'm trying to be content with where the Lord has put me now.

Peace and Blessings
Gina